The couple put in crisis by excessive control

The couple put in crisis by excessive control

The constant need for confirmation and reassurance from the partner is a form of anxiety that strains the relationship: if you are a victim, do this...

The couple put in crisis by excessive control in a couple and suffering even when, on the whole, things are going well. It seems like a joke, yet this is what happens to those who could be defined as "the hypersensitive to the mood of the partner". 

These are people who are unable to oppose any filter to what they feel coming from the other: if, for example, it is sad, they do not calm down until they know why. 

And, even when there is no why - since sadness is an emotion that can come and go as a pure motion of the soul - they do not give peace: they are troubled, anxious, sometimes intolerant. 

The same is true for many other states of mind, such as anger, annoyance, anxiety, worry, but also good humor when it is particularly heated and manifest: if there is no "valid" explanation, everything puts them in state of alert, although the explanation is often not enough to restore full serenity in them.

The need for absolute control reveals a profound insecurity. 

The hypersensitive person carries out a series of behaviors that alter the atmosphere of the relationship and, over time, wear it down. 

First of all he wants to know continuously "how is" the partner. "Everything okay? But are you sure you're okay? Is everything okay?" these are questions in a continuous stream, which however, in many cases, are not satisfied with a linear answer, because the hypersensitive, who is very insecure and suffers from a great fear of not being accepted, is afraid of being a party to the state of affairs. negative soul of the partner, and to be excluded from the reasons of the very positive one. 

And then: "But are you sure I'm not involved? Isn't it that you have it with me? Isn't it that, by chance, there is someone else that interests you?". For the hypersensitive, the partner should ideally be almost devoid of emotional manifestations, but this too would be a problem: "Why are you apathetic? Are you hiding something from me?". 

And the relationship, subjected to continuous and useless clarifications, loses spontaneity, taking the road towards decline.

So, if we add hypersensitivity, control and anxiety… the couple breaks out. 

It is necessary to realize that hypersensitivity is the expression of a real anxiety disorder: the hypersensitive person needs that the partner is "calm", that he does not show too sudden and unclear changes in the motivations, and that these do not last too long and quickly return to a reassuring middle ground. 

The person who suffers from it, when he or she is in a couple, unconsciously shifts their psychic center to the partner and therefore delegates their serenity to the fact that the latter is not upset, anxious, depressed, or in any case not experiencing moods that are difficult to control. 

So, however, and this is the point, it puts in place a continuous control: that is, it activates a state of constant emotional "diagnosis" of the partner.

Solution? Find interest in yourself. To shift the center of gravity on oneself and reduce this hypersensitivity it is necessary for the person to make his own individual world richer and more interesting. 

Usually, in fact, those who are so attentive to the emotions of the partner have no passions of their own to devote to, they have empty time that they do not know how to use and an unfulfilling personal life. 

If this were not the case, he would have neither time nor energy to invest in this constant control of the partner. 

We are not talking about an "empty" person, but about one who, when he enters into a relationship that involves her, quickly loses her interests because she is too busy devoting herself to managing the anxiety projected on her partner. It is therefore necessary to rebalance the situation, bringing events and emotions back to the center of one's daily life. 

You cannot spend your life "keeping the soul of another good": you have to take care of your own. 

Also because the partner, in short, gets tired of having to account for what he feels and feeling responsible for how the other is.