Many will have been left behind. When it happens we always look for the causes, but this is never the solution to the malaise: let's see together how to overcome abandonment.

Do we know how to treat abandonment issues?

But then, how to experience the trauma of abandonment? He, or she, packs the suitcase and closes the door behind him, throwing away what was between us until a few moments before. 

It has probably happened to many of us: the moment our partner decides to leave is a real emotional shock. 

Whether it is a bolt from the blue or has had a long preparation does not change much: it is a fact that "breaks us inside" and makes us miss the ground under our feet.

The typical phrases of circumstance - "I feel the need to reflect, I don't know what I want anymore, we better separate for a while ..." - have the power to trigger enormous suffering. 

We feel invaded by a whirlwind of feelings: whether it is sadness, anger or jealousy, they all create a filter that overwhelms everything around us.

Rivers of thoughts begin to haunt us and make everything even more unbearable: "He will have another person", "There is something wrong with me", "What am I wrong?" ... 

When a relationship ends, in fact, we try to all the costs of finding a rational explanation for what happened by investigating the why, the causes of a choice that makes us feel so bad.

To begin with, one must not become a victim of the abandonment syndrome. 

This is in fact the most common attitude, but also the least suitable for dealing with the situation, because it leads straight to abandonment depression (or rather to something that is often diagnosed like this). 

Rather than wearing ourselves out for months by rummaging through the past, we should try to think that life events, especially painful ones, come to make us change course. 

There is certainly pain, but it can be seen as a condemnation without appeal, or as a tool that helps us to give birth to something new. That is, pain is a natural, functional process. 

Nothing in nature happens by chance. If we pay attention to it, through pain we detach ourselves from the past and begin to forge a new "myself", with other interests, other passions, available for new encounters.

After all, a story almost always ends because we had "sat down", transforming it into a monotonous everyday life, a not very spontaneous habit. 

Our self-love does not admit it and makes us suffer, but very often we were keeping alive something that didn't really deserve it. The "bomb" that explodes out of the blue has the function of shaking us from an artificial and anonymous life.

What to do then? 

The watchword is to stay in the present and see what happens. In fact, if we look closely at our emotions we will realize that, for example, that dance course followed with the partner and of which we have not missed even a lesson no longer fascinates us, or perhaps it has never really fascinated us. 

We did it to please him. Or maybe we realize that the furious jealousy we feel now is igniting an eros that was actually totally off during the relationship. Or that we had overshadowed our favorite pastimes that now we can finally rediscover ...

Abandonment: what not to do

•     Searching for the causes of abandonment makes suffering chronic. Never ask yourself: "Why did he leave me?".

•     No to guilt! Don't ask yourself, "Where did I go wrong?" When you are in a couple and the relationship ends it is never the sole responsibility of one of the two partners. Unknowingly, they both want the relationship to end.

•     Trying to remedy the past: it is not decisive and does not allow you to activate new resources.

Abandonment: what to do

•     Feel the anger, sadness or jealousy when they arrive, without trying to send them away: only in this way will new energies be put in place to find the right solutions for you.

•     Stay in the present and observe what is happening inside you and in your surroundings. In this way you will discover that, as a door closes, new possibilities open up, for example a work assignment that you have been waiting for for some time comes forward or an unexpected phone call arrives that opens up new horizons, interests or ways of being.