She betrayed me! It is of course an experience that is experienced as a shock: for this reason it is better not to make hasty decisions and take the opportunity to look inside yourself.
First of all: how to react? Let's take the example of a couple like many others, who have been together for some time.
There is no obvious crisis, perhaps just a little routine, but otherwise the situation seems good and stable.
At a certain point, however, one of the two betrays, "makes" a lover or lets himself go on sporadic adventures and the other ends up discovering it.
A classic, but no less painful for those who suffer from it.
The initial reactions of those who are betrayed are always very intense, and generally follow standard patterns: there are surprise, fear of the future, pain, disappointment, disorientation, anger, internal conflict about what to do: fighting to defend the relationship from a possible breakup. or leave it alone and conclude everything as soon as possible? Resist clenched teeth or take immediate revenge, returning the well-known "tit for tat"? In this grip of doubts and conflicting emotions very often, understandably, disordered behaviors develop: scenes, tears, very strong jealousies, closures to the world or, on the contrary, inappropriate involvement of relatives and friends.
You can become cynical or obsessed with your partner's movements, dependent on every word or gesture from her.
These moments never give constructive results: the inner and couple chaos increases, the individual energy decreases, the relationship cannot play its (if any) cards to be able to find each other again.
It is a necessary phase, of course, which, however, must not last too long.
If the person manages to find some clarity and observe the situation without judging or constantly despairing, after some time something unexpected can happen, which he would never have believed: he gives up reacting and begins to act to themselves, to want to take care of themselves as they have not done for a long time.
The attention shifts and focuses on one's individual life, with growing curiosity and amazement. It is not, as one can easily misunderstand, a selfish outburst to defend oneself from the pain of a couple, but the concrete opportunity to renew oneself, to contact one's real needs that had long been left aside in the name of couple harmony or quiet living.
So, let's say a sharp "No" to sacrifice: what is needed is awareness.
Many are in a couple living at the "lowest common denominator", that is, living only what can be done in two with that specific partner, giving up desires and talents because they are "uncomfortable" for the relationship or unacceptable for the other and crystallizing into a form of themselves very reductive.
It is believed that by making these renunciations, credits are obtained: loyalty, fidelity, gratitude, confidence, shared planning.
We are convinced that sacrifice is a barrier in the event that the partner feels attracted to someone else one day.
But now it seems to lose everything: not only the loved one, but also everything that you thought you had built, the fatigue to which you were subjected.
But it is precisely this feeling of losing everything that can unlock something important in the psyche of those who suffer.
So betrayal can become the occasion for the turning point.
First you need to take back your individual life and get to know another person who lives in us and who can now reveal himself, if we cultivate it. She will decide what to do with respect to the couple.
It is necessary to rediscover things that are ancient about oneself, because in the routine one has unnaturally become something altered and less; and new things, which really were not suspected.
In this way you get the triple effect of maturing on a personal level, of being much more interesting in the eyes of the other and of helping him to clarify her feelings for us.
One has to ask: but why do you have to wait to be betrayed to make this positive turn? Only one answer: because betrayal questions the deepest value of oneself, it demeans it in the idea that someone else is preferred to it.
This ignites a desire for redemption which, if not manifested as revenge or despair, can lead to surprising and unexpected conquests and transforming a potential failure into a great victory.
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