The age difference can be an obstacle to the relationship or what makes it unique; the secret is to live every moment, leaving projects and models in the background.
We were both the right person at the right time: he the one who, a little inexperienced, did not want to go straight to the point, as my peers do; I am the one who was able to take him with the delicacy and sensitivity necessary to make him acquire the right confidence.
Ours is also a long-distance story, made up of planes taken (by him) twice a month to be able to see us
... Unfortunately, for some time things have not worked as before: his mental schemes push him to continually set goals, to make plans for his professional and life future and this has an impact on our relationship.
He often has mood swings and doubts about his true feelings about him, despite the excellent sexual understanding and the good he says he loves me.
I live trying to let myself be carried away spontaneously by the currents of life, he wants to plan it.
At first I had some doubts too, but then I let myself go. He too should be able to do it, to really choose me all the way, otherwise we will never be able to live this story in a complete way. Am I demanding too much? Would it be better to cut off and forget about it? "
The age difference is not the real problem
The striking thing about Stella's email is the presence-absence of the theme of age difference.
Presence because from the request to open the email this fact would seem to be "the problem"; absence because in fact it is not.
In reality, Stella complains that she does not feel completely chosen and this goes beyond the question of personal data.
If we have to talk about age, it is only to better frame some of the boy's behaviors: at 24 it is normal to have many expectations from life, to be projected with enthusiasm towards the future and also to have a more dancing mood than that of a 44-year-old woman.
Stella talks to us about her partner's doubts, but she doesn't see his projections, his hopes: she says to be carried away by events, but then she would like to live this story in a more complete way.
And what could this "complete" way be? He plays a lot: in a more normal way ...
One can lose the lightness of looking too much into the future
Stella is right when she says they both were the right person at the right time.
After a separation and several love disappointments of her, her relationship with such a young boy has probably allowed her to experience a new bond with more lightness.
That lightness necessary to forget the past and to reopen to the feminine side of her, passionate and erotic that she had put aside for fear of suffering.
But this lightness seems to have vanished: Stella reproaches the boy with excessive attention to his own future and she does not feel completely chosen.
But it is the very peculiarity of this story, where the distance is not only personal but also geographical, the proof that he has already made this choice, although in love every choice is inevitably precarious ...
Live now!
Maybe she is thinking a lot about tomorrow: when she finally wonders if it would be better to stop immediately, she is wondering if it would not be better to do it before he does, so as not to suffer too much.
Stella says he wants to plan his life, but to think about whether to leave someone for the reasons she gives, isn't planning? A relationship of this kind, in most cases, can only live out of any project, for as long as it can last. What should he do at this point? To rediscover in herself that element that had allowed this story to be born: lightness, because the magic of this relationship lies precisely in its uniqueness, in being unusual, unpredictable.
Not recognizing it and trying, albeit unconsciously to transform it into the "right" relationship, makes it banal and in the long run turns it off.
Such a love will live as long as it can; any other consideration will only fuel misunderstandings and suffering.
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