In a liquid society, bonds also dissolve, taking on changing forms from time to time, giving us the ephemeral illusion of not being alone.
An authoritative sociologist of our time, Zygmunt Bauman, tried to describe, in his “theory of liquid society”, the love dynamics of contemporary society, trying to explain our deepest fears in living feelings.
According to the Polish scholar, today we are overwhelmed by a liquidity that makes the world changeable, devoid of any stability: nothing can be considered lasting, everything is destined to melt in the great sea of uncertainty.
In such a context, even love becomes liquid, relationships become connections, love is reduced to desire but, in pursuing freedom at all costs, we end up being alone. There is a fear of becoming entangled in stable, lasting relationships which, as bonds, involve obligations and responsibilities. On the contrary, connections give us a sense of freedom, a foothold from which we can detach and disconnect as and when we want, simply with a click, just like we do with any smartphone.
We don't like loneliness but, at the same time, we don't want bonds either. We like to be independent but, often, we end up being even more alone because, in the extreme freedom of wallowing in this liquidity, even bonds are dissolved, taking on the precarious forms of "disposable" objects, then thrown away or replaced in any moment.
Reality, however, does not work exactly like that and offline links are something else entirely.
A stable relationship requires commitment, effort, responsibility. Some would say "sacrifice".
If we observe the true meaning of this word, sacrum facere, or "to perform a sacred action", then, a sacrifice, correctly understood, would be the fulfillment of an action that constitutes a great value for me and with which I pay homage to someone or something I love.
Now, it is clear that an action that for me expresses sacredness and importance cannot be seen with a negative meaning. It has nothing to do with emotions such as anger, frustration and recrimination. At most, it can be an action that involves effort that is however always compensated by the joy of having done something for someone I love.
On closer inspection it is fear that suffocates, that limits, not love itself. A healthy couple relationship represents a delicate play of forces within which, in order to find a functional balance, it is necessary on the one hand, to adapt and modify some behaviors or attitudes to feel closer to the partner and on the other, to be able to stay themselves, to preserve their identity, maintaining their spaces of intimacy and autonomy. Those who suffer from philophobia are unable to move in this continuous game and prefer to withdraw and isolate themselves from the emotional world.
But perhaps it would be worth diving into the sea waves of love, diving even when it scares us: only with a temporary apnea, in fact, we can explore the infinite magnificence of its depths.
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