Passion does not always go "a thousand"!

No love is always at its best; in order not to remain imprisoned in useless suffering, it is necessary to free oneself from this illusion. Only in this way can a relationship last

We all know it, but we struggle to accept it: no one always loves "madly"; like it or not, everyone's feelings are choppy. To demand absolute continuity in love means to reject the fact that we also love ourselves from moment to moment, unequally. Unfortunately, the illusory myth of eternal love, always the same, always wonderful is so present in popular culture that it often leads us to force feelings in order to obtain it: a very risky attitude, precisely for the well-being of the couple. The greatest danger is precisely that of not being able to withstand the ups and downs present in every relationship, seeing disaffection where perhaps there is only a moment of stasis. One thinks: "If our love is not always at its best, it is better that it ends, sooner or later I will find the right person, the one who will really love me". While waiting, the self-esteem we feel no longer depends on us: without realizing it, we put our balance in the hands of others.

 Everyone loves in his own way

When we say: "he (or she) never tells me I love you", we often actually mean: "He doesn't love me like I know how to do", as if the idea we have in our heads was the only true idea. Or "You must love me, but as I say", in a constant way, with the right phrases and behaviors that I expect. People who experience love in this way inevitably end up ruining their relationships and little by little they become convinced that in reality it is impossible to find someone capable of loving "properly". Thus they play the part of the sufferer by blaming the wickedness of others, and it is precisely this certainty that leads them straight into the arms of suffering.

Does it damage the dream of the ideal?

"True love must be perfect". It's not true !

The couple must always travel one hundred percent ", otherwise what love is it? This belief is the product of an ideological vision of feelings: it is certain that, to be authentic, relationships must constantly produce an "adequate" level of passion, attention, messages of affection, sighs and caresses ...

"My happiness depends on him (or her)"

The attention is completely unbalanced on what the other does or says, "we" are no longer there. As if happiness only has to come from outside. Thus we become morbidly attached to our partner, becoming dependent on people who often make us suffer.


Three tips right away ...

Eliminate clichés immediately

The phrase "he never tells me I love you" is very harmful, but it is certainly not the only one. There are other equally harmful standard phrases that testify to how one's well-being hangs on the thread of confirmation that the other is required to give: "I don't deserve a look"; "For him I am taken for granted"; "He does not notice my feelings", "he does not see how I suffer when he is not affectionate." Eliminate them from your vocabulary: they are just clichés.

Avoid wanting your partner to be shaped our way

What drives us to want at all costs that the partner is different from what he is, if not the wrong beliefs that we have made of love and about love? Starting from this simple observation we should be able to see how much energy we waste every day trying to model the partner on our love ideals. And how much suffering, frustration and disdain it produces in us ...

No to patterns in love

"Doesn't he always love me in the same way and with the same intensity? Well, neither do I." Here is the sentence to say. Not only that: if we abandon the model of love we have in mind, aspects of him or her that we had not noticed will spontaneously emerge, unexpected facets that we do not see because, by idealizing the partner, we lose sight of the authentic characteristics of her.